~爱~

愛上一个人..........如此的甜蜜卻又讓人受傷害

放棄一个人..........如此的難過卻又讓人心碎

珍惜身旁的每一个人,不要等到失去了

才瞭解到遺憾.和後悔是如此的痛苦....

~※→因為愛你.所以放手還你自由←※~

~※→因為愛你.所以不再讓你困擾←※~

~※→因為愛你.所以寧願自己難過←※~

~※→因為愛你.所以我逼自己離開←※~

如果我還一直深愛著你...你是否還會待在我身邊?

如果我還一直在乎著你...你是否會再多看我一眼?

是否我已不存在了...你才感覺的到我的離開?

是否我已離開了....你才感覺的到我對你的好?

~shouldnt i be happy~

shouldnt i be happy about it when last night you told me everything? i should right, at least i got to know the truth...but i really don't know why did it go the other way round.

admit it or not, FEEL is what you are searching for all this while. because of this, it keeps making you change your mind, that's why there was yes and no. and because of friends, it also changes your mind. but if this is the way, that what else can i do? i really don't know. i have done my everything. when you said, alot of things is not a matter of time, than only i realize, no matter how long it gonna take, no matter what i do, it won't change anything, it will never develop, this is for sure.

i really regret on that night by saying no to it. that is something that i have waiting and wanted for so long, but why did i say no to it at that night? i really don't know since when i have change into putting your feeling up first instead of my own. people do always say, think about our own self first than only think about other peoples feeling, but why am i doing it the other way round? after what you have told me last night, yes, disappointed in myself is what i felt, but hurt and pain is the most that i felt at the moment, but i know i can't let you know, because you will only say that you regret telling me because i become like that, that's why i can't tell you.

what can i do? what am i suppose to do? i really don't know anymore. i feel so lost and confuse. now only i know that love is not a thing that people want to mess with. you always say that future can't predict, yes, i admit that. but i believe you and i, especially you, know that no matter how long things take between us, what i do, it won't change a single thing. all i can say is i lose to faith, i lose to myself. because of FEEL, because you don't have any feel towards me that made me disappointed to myself. after for so long, you still don't have a single feel, that made me lose to myself. that makes me hurt. i don't blame you for it, i don't blame anyone but only myself.....

~Thank You Careen~

just received my birthday present from Careen. went to ss2 and meet her there to take the present which i already promise to collect from her since one week ago.

i really want to thank you, Careen, for the present. i really like it and appreciate it very much. but honestly speaking, i really not use to it of getting such expensive gift from people. but than, seriously thank you very much for the Adidas bag. i know that i have hurt you since the day you know me, after what i have done, your still willing to waste so much money to buy this gift for me, i really don't know what else can i say or do but just to say that i'm really sorry and really thank you for the gift you have bought for me.

once again, thank you.

~爱~

如果你不爱一个人,请[放手]
好让别人有机会爱她...

如果你爱的人放弃了你,
请放开自己,好让自己有机会[爱]别人.. .

有的东西你再喜欢也不会属於你的,
有的东西你再[留恋]也注定要放弃的.

人生中有许多种爱,
但别让爱成为一种[伤害].

有些缘分是注定要失去的,
有些缘分是永远都[不会]有好结果的.

爱一个人不一定要拥有,
但,拥有一个人就一定要[好好的]去爱 .

男人哭了,是因为他真的爱了；
女人哭了,是因为她真的[放弃]了。

如果真诚是一种伤害，我选择谎言；
如果谎言是一种伤害，我选则沉默；
如果沉默是一种伤害，我选择[离开]

如果失去是苦,你怕不怕付出?
如果迷乱是苦,你会不会选择结束?
如果追求是苦,你会不会选择执迷不悟?
如果[分离]是苦,你要向谁倾诉?

好多事情都是后来才看清楚,
好多事情当时一点也不觉得

~Appreciate~

life is really unpredictable. no one can say that he or she will know what is gonna happen next. because this is life, this is how it have to be. Hope is the one that keeps someone moving, keeps a person moving in life, but sometimes hope is also the one that brings the whole world of a person down.

have been seeing a lot of my friends from single, it's complicated, change into being in a relationship, hahahaha, so unpredictable right. in just a short period of time, things can change. please don't misunderstand, not to say that i never expect that you guys and girl will be in a relationship, just that i'm happy for you all for those who have found their another half of their life. here, i really wish you all happy with your another half, wish you all could last forever and move on happily. as a friend, i'm really have for you all and hope that you all can appreciate what you have, because what you have now is a blessing from god. due to this and watching some movie which really make sense and meaningfull really makes me think, what is life? whatelse that a person have to encounter of face just to be with the person that they love the most and be happily with their families?

answer is A LOT. there is a lot of things that a person have to go throught just to achieve it. because life is never easy. if you wish or want something, you have to work hard and prove that you should have it and not hoping that it would just come to you just like this. but than, not all things that a person wants means that person will get it even no matter how hard that person tried. there are somethings that no matter how hard a person work for, no matter what that person do, he or she still won't get it, this is what we call LOVE. because love is totally unpredictable. doesn't mean how much you have tried, put afford or even sacrifice means it will belong to you. i really feel envy towards my friends. i really feel jealous that they could at last find their another half, but me, no matter what i do, hope is the only word that i could hold on to even i know that it is no use.

even the answer that i got is NO, i still feel happy, because at least i know that i have tried my very best to do the best out of the best. but if we really still can't be together, than i can only say it's faith. probably God thinks that i'm not good enough for you, maybe God have arrange another half for you, so all i can only do is just truely wish and bless you both. past is something that we learn from and not hold on to. because there is past, than only we will know where is our mistake, from there we learn and not repeat our mistake which we only will have a thing so called future.

why would someone wants to hold on to their past, i know that past influence a person a lot, but than by holding on will it turn back time? will it undo all the things that we don't want? i really wish i could find out. i don't know what you're thinking, and i know that i can't force you because it will only annoyed you, but than whatelse can i do to have give myself a good explanation? i really don't know. for the past few days really have been a lonely time for me. day till night i'm all alone. so means there is plenty of time for me to think nonsense. but it leads to no where. i don't know what are you think, i don't know what you want, i don't know what you feel. all i know is i have drop and lose. lose in every single thing. i really don't dare want to give myself hope, but it just comes automatically. because i know that i have love you too deep, and there is no pulling myself out from it because i have tried very very hard no matter what.

i can't keep asking or finding you and ask, so i can only keep everything inside me for the rest of my life. at least once you gave me the chance to be by your side to accompany and make you happy and laugh. i really wish to find someone to talk about it, but i know that it's useless, and i can't talk to my parents about it...hahahaha...so i might just as well keep it inside me, deep inside me where noone shall talk about it and bring it out. once again, i feel the pain which i have trying to heal myself from for a very long time, once again i could only hold back and tears and transfer it to my heart and cry. because i know, i can't cry in front of anyone, not even my parents. i just choose to keep everything to myself from now on. because i have choose to be alone. alone where i don't have to bother so much about others and myself. Alone is just that all i want to be.

12 more days i will be going over to Australia. so guess i might just as well use that time to not think and let go. letting go doesn't mean that i don't love you anymore. is just that i have choose to love you deep in me. because i know, no one can take your place in my heart, because i know i will forever love you. wish that your happy always and take good care.

lastly, to my friends and all the couple in the world, i don't know how much you guys and girls understand about each other, i have no idea how long you have been together or what you all have been through, but, please, please appreciate your another half and what you have. because what you have now is a blessing from God, what you all have now is the so called Present and Future and not you Past. learn from the past and move on to be a better person and have a wonderful relationship. wish my friends and all the couple in the world happy always.