~Appreciate~

life is really unpredictable. no one can say that he or she will know what is gonna happen next. because this is life, this is how it have to be. Hope is the one that keeps someone moving, keeps a person moving in life, but sometimes hope is also the one that brings the whole world of a person down.

have been seeing a lot of my friends from single, it's complicated, change into being in a relationship, hahahaha, so unpredictable right. in just a short period of time, things can change. please don't misunderstand, not to say that i never expect that you guys and girl will be in a relationship, just that i'm happy for you all for those who have found their another half of their life. here, i really wish you all happy with your another half, wish you all could last forever and move on happily. as a friend, i'm really have for you all and hope that you all can appreciate what you have, because what you have now is a blessing from god. due to this and watching some movie which really make sense and meaningfull really makes me think, what is life? whatelse that a person have to encounter of face just to be with the person that they love the most and be happily with their families?

answer is A LOT. there is a lot of things that a person have to go throught just to achieve it. because life is never easy. if you wish or want something, you have to work hard and prove that you should have it and not hoping that it would just come to you just like this. but than, not all things that a person wants means that person will get it even no matter how hard that person tried. there are somethings that no matter how hard a person work for, no matter what that person do, he or she still won't get it, this is what we call LOVE. because love is totally unpredictable. doesn't mean how much you have tried, put afford or even sacrifice means it will belong to you. i really feel envy towards my friends. i really feel jealous that they could at last find their another half, but me, no matter what i do, hope is the only word that i could hold on to even i know that it is no use.

even the answer that i got is NO, i still feel happy, because at least i know that i have tried my very best to do the best out of the best. but if we really still can't be together, than i can only say it's faith. probably God thinks that i'm not good enough for you, maybe God have arrange another half for you, so all i can only do is just truely wish and bless you both. past is something that we learn from and not hold on to. because there is past, than only we will know where is our mistake, from there we learn and not repeat our mistake which we only will have a thing so called future.

why would someone wants to hold on to their past, i know that past influence a person a lot, but than by holding on will it turn back time? will it undo all the things that we don't want? i really wish i could find out. i don't know what you're thinking, and i know that i can't force you because it will only annoyed you, but than whatelse can i do to have give myself a good explanation? i really don't know. for the past few days really have been a lonely time for me. day till night i'm all alone. so means there is plenty of time for me to think nonsense. but it leads to no where. i don't know what are you think, i don't know what you want, i don't know what you feel. all i know is i have drop and lose. lose in every single thing. i really don't dare want to give myself hope, but it just comes automatically. because i know that i have love you too deep, and there is no pulling myself out from it because i have tried very very hard no matter what.

i can't keep asking or finding you and ask, so i can only keep everything inside me for the rest of my life. at least once you gave me the chance to be by your side to accompany and make you happy and laugh. i really wish to find someone to talk about it, but i know that it's useless, and i can't talk to my parents about it...hahahaha...so i might just as well keep it inside me, deep inside me where noone shall talk about it and bring it out. once again, i feel the pain which i have trying to heal myself from for a very long time, once again i could only hold back and tears and transfer it to my heart and cry. because i know, i can't cry in front of anyone, not even my parents. i just choose to keep everything to myself from now on. because i have choose to be alone. alone where i don't have to bother so much about others and myself. Alone is just that all i want to be.

12 more days i will be going over to Australia. so guess i might just as well use that time to not think and let go. letting go doesn't mean that i don't love you anymore. is just that i have choose to love you deep in me. because i know, no one can take your place in my heart, because i know i will forever love you. wish that your happy always and take good care.

lastly, to my friends and all the couple in the world, i don't know how much you guys and girls understand about each other, i have no idea how long you have been together or what you all have been through, but, please, please appreciate your another half and what you have. because what you have now is a blessing from God, what you all have now is the so called Present and Future and not you Past. learn from the past and move on to be a better person and have a wonderful relationship. wish my friends and all the couple in the world happy always.