~Sepet~

just finish watching the movie Sepet with friends instead of studying....hahaha....suppose to study but than wasted my time doing other stuff....haiz...just really don't have that kind of mood to study at all....

never really like the movie Sepet, even i never watch the movie before but heard from my friends before of what the whole story was about. kind of regret watching the movie because part of it really did happen in me. about how he found the girl that he really love, about how they can't be together, about his past and what he is doing. about how his friend got whack just because of the main character and all.....All this really makes me remind of what i have been thorugh before.

friends getting whack just because of you, because of what you have done wrong, i really could understand about it. about how it involves the black side of the world, i really can still think about it of how much it really once did influence me and consequenses i have to bare and price i have to pay. it all comes back into my memory when i have tried so hard to let everything go and not think about it. but it just came back to me....every single details every single flash back of the past. i really feel very bad and upset now of thinking back what actually really happen and what i have done. sorry, upset and guilty is something that i will always remember.

why is it so hard to be with the person that we really love? why can't we happyly be together with no problems? is it really a must and a faith that we have to go through ups and downs just to be together? it's just like the movie, he hope that the girl will read his letter and call him, but in the end she didn't. than what is the point of hoping? why should we always hope for things that we know that won't happen. for what? making our ownself better by thinking positive and hoping? i really don't know. ever since things starts to change, i really don't know where i can be and were should i walk towards. i really just want to rest, i really just want to get away from all this. maybe i should really let things go since you wanted things to change. even tho i'm hurt because things change between us, but i can't do anything more to hold on. not because i'm afraid that i will get hurt, it's because i really scare that i will fall for you.

even now i don't find you and talk much, but i know, deep down inside me i still love and miss you a lot. but i can only do it silently inside me, i can't afford to let you know because i don't want you to feel annoyed again. so the only way i got is to keep it deep down inside me. that is the only way left that i got to love you.

I LOVE YOU and really MISS YOU a lot. even i know that things are impossible between us, but i'm just so stupid to LOVE YOU...take care